


Strong as a Drummer

by Staalkers (starttheshow)



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Kid Fic, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-08
Updated: 2012-06-08
Packaged: 2017-11-07 06:11:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/427801
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starttheshow/pseuds/Staalkers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The one where Tazer finds out that Kaner's apparently a father.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Strong as a Drummer

Tazer notices that something’s wrong when he calls up Kaner after practice and asks if he wants to go get a beer with him, Seabs, and Duncs and Kaner says a curt, “No.”

“What do you mean no?” Tazer asks, alarmed. If Kaner doesn’t want to go out and get wasted, something’s wrong and bad and possibly bleeding.

“I have something I have to do at home,” Kaner says and that’s when Tazer hears a weird mewling in the background.

“Do you have a kitten or something?” Kaner can barely take care of himself, let alone a helpless kitten.

There’s a pause and he can hear Kaner shuffling on the other line and the mewling gets louder. “No, it’s a, uh, baby.”

Tazer wonders if this is what a stroke feels like. For the first time he can remember, he’s completely speechless. He opens his mouth to say something but it just comes out as a confused, audible gasp.

“So yeah, I can’t.”

He makes another gasping noise before asking, “A baby?”

“Yeah, uh, Nicole dropped him off. And the months work out right from the last time we,” he pauses and Tazer can hear him take a deep swallow. “So.”

Tazer finally finds his voice. “Do you know for sure? Have you done a DNA test or something?”

“She literally just dropped him off with his birth certificate, some diapers, and a birth certificate with me named as the father.”

Tazer’s voice is shaky as he says, “But she could have been making that up. You have to check, Kaner, I mean-”

“He has my eyes, Johnny,” he says quietly.

“Fuck,” Tazer breathes out. “Do you need me to go over there?”

“No,” Kaner says in a tone that Tazer knows is weary.

“Sure?”

“Yeah, it’ll be fine. See you, Tazer,” Kaner hangs up the phone and Tazer’s there, mouth still gaping open.

He tries to busy himself for the rest of the day. He answers some emails he’s been putting off, he puts all the DVD discs that have been lying all around his TV back into their proper cases, hell, he even vacuums. But his mind can’t keep up with the fact that Kaner, who somehow manages to function hung over half the time, is now in possession of a baby.

He eats a chicken salad, his favorite, but it tastes bland and he picks at it. He goes to bed when the sun's still up and tosses and turns and eventually turns on the TV. The first thing on is a commercial for Pampers and the baby in it is blonde and giggly and Tazer puts on a sweatshirt and shoes and is out of the door before he can really think what he's doing.

The drive to Kaner's apartment is short but he can't stop fidgeting all the way there and he changes the radio station four times.

He knocks on the door and Kaner yells, "Who's there?"

"Tazer."

He can hear shuffling coming from the other side and then the door is open. Kaner's has a baby in his arms and white powder all over his clothes. The baby just has a diaper on and his cheeks are a mottled red and he has tear tracks.

"What," Kaner says, positioning the baby to his other side. "Are you doing here?"

"Is that him?"

Kaner rolls his eyes. "No, it's a kid I kidnapped, Johnny."

Tazer just nods and closes the door behind him. Kaner's apartment looks about the same as always but there's an empty bottle on the coffee table and a bag full of Huggies diapers propped against the sofa.

He can hear Kaner sigh and then Kaner asks, "Can you take him for a second? I need to fix him some more formula, I think."

"I don't..."

Kaner scoffs and nearly shoves the kid in Tazer's arms. "Just sit on the sofa with him. He's not going to fall. Fuck."

Tazer adjust the baby in his arms and mutters, "Shouldn't curse in front of him."

Kaner doesn't respond to that and moves to the kitchen. Tazer looks down at the baby. He's so impossibly tiny and he has a shock of white-blonde hair and Kaner was right. Their eyes are exactly the same.

"What's his name?" Tazer asks.

"Walter Sidney Kane," Kane says, returning to the two. He plucks Walter from Tazer's arms and feeds him the bottle and that quiets him down a little.

"That's unfortunate," Tazer mutters.

Kaner lets out a sharp laugh and nods. "Don't I know it."

"You're pretty good at that," he says, gesturing to Walter. "Feeding him, I mean."

"Not really, he's just really hungry right now."

There's a long pause where the only sounds in the room are their breathes and Walter drinking. They both stare at him and eventually Walter's eyes start to droop and then he falls asleep, mouth not moving.

"Do you have a crib for him? Or," he pauses. "A shoebox or something?"

Kaner raises an eyebrow. "A shoebox?"

"I don't know, he's small. He could probably fit in one," he says, shrugging. He thinks it's a pretty good idea.

Kaner snorts and carries the baby to the spare guest room and gets Tazer to get the big sofa pillows. Kaner lays Walter gently in the middle of the bed and uses the pillows as barriers on each side.

"What if he falls?" Tazer whispers.

"I don't think he will? The pillows are pretty heavy, man," Kaner doesn't sound so sure himself. "There's no where else I could put him. Tomorrow, I'll get him a crib and shit. Nothing's opened this late on Sundays."

They spend a few moments just looking at Walter. His breathing is even and occasionally he smacks his lips and he looks so much like Kaner at that moment that Tazer has to smile. After a while, Kaner bumps shoulders with him and gestures to the door and they go to the living room. Kaner collapses on the sofa and throws a hand over his eyes.

"I fucked up bad," he breathes out.

Tazer doesn't say anything because if he does, he know it'll just come out as an agreement that yeah, Kaner really did fuck up. Had he heard nothing about condoms? Was sex-ed in the U.S. really that bad?

"You can go if you want," he says quietly, eyes still covered. "It's not your problem."

"Don't be so fucking melodramatic, Kaner. I'll stay the night."

"You really don't need to."

"It's fine," he sits next to Kaner on the sofa. "I'll just sleep here or something."

"You can't. There's spit up all over from when I was trying to feed Walter before. And it's fucking uncomfortable to sleep on without the pillows."

Tazer looks at the stains and grimaces. "Fine, uh, do you have a sleeping bag?"

"The last time I did any camping, I was eleven and the sleeping bag had Ninja Turtles all over them. So no, I don't."

He pauses. "The floor then?"

Kaner gets up the couch and tugs Tazer up by the upper arm and guides him to his bedroom. "Don't be so chivalrous, Johnny. Just sleep in here with me," he says and he must see Tazer hesitate because he says, "It's not like you've never had to double up with a buddy before. Honestly." He takes off his stained shirt and he's just in his boxers - Tweety Bird ones too, what a loser - and crawls into the left side of the bed. He tries to give a seductive smile but it's tired and weak. "Come on in, the water's fine."

Tazer snorts but strips down until he's in his undershirt and boxers too and goes into the bed, staying as far right as he can.

"How are we going to know if Walter wakes up?" Tazer asks quietly.

"There's a walkie talkie on the bedside table and another one near the guestbed. Got it from Sharpy as a birthday present last year. Get some sleep."

The day's events catch up to him and Tazer dazes off.

 

[][][]

 

Tazer wakes up with a warm body by his side. He sighs happily and moves closer to the heat and breathes in the scent. He languidly opens his eyes and then starts. Fuck, Kaner's the big spoon and he's the small spoon.

He moves back to his side and the movement wakes Kaner up. Kaner blinks at him and then scrunches his eyebrows. "Do you have morning wood?"

"Shut the fuck up," Tazer says, angrily rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

Kaner gets a shit-eating grin and says, "I know what I said about camping earlier but really, we should go camping sometime, Johnny. You really know how to pitch a tent. We wouldn't even need to go looking for firewood seeing as you already keep some in your pants."

Tazer hits Kaner hard in the chest. "Fuck you," he looks down at Kaner's boxers. "Like you don't have a hard-on, either."

"I know, that's what makes it hilarious. No, that's not a hockey stick in my pants, I'm just happy to see you."

Tazer rolls his eyes. "We should probably go check on your kid. Aren't babies supposed to cry all throughout the night or something?"

"No, Walter's still a newborn and the Internet tells me they apparently they sleep all the time," Kaner says. He gets up and Tazer follows him. Walter's right where they left him and his little fist is in his mouth.

"We need to get a crib," Tazer says.

Kaner raises an eyebrow. "'We'?"

Tazer looks at Walter when he says, "Well, I don't know. Yeah. I mean, if I left you alone, he'd probably end up getting in your beer stash and die of alcohol poisoning or something."

"He can't even crawl yet, idiot," Kaner says quietly but bumps Tazer's shoulder and gives him a small smile.

Tazer's going above and beyond the call of duty, he knows this, but it's Kaner. He'd probably choke on his own vomit if Tazer isn't there.

"Just stay here," Tazer says. "Let him sleep and I'll be back with a stroller and a car seat so then we can go get some more stuff."

"Thanks, man," Kaner says more sincerely than Tazer's ever heard. "Do you need cash, or."

"Don't worry about it," he says and moves to gather his clothes. "Just don't fuck up while I'm gone."

"I thought you said we shouldn't curse in front of the baby?"

Tazer scoffs. "Shut the fuck up."

 

[][][]

 

On the ride to, what his GPS says, is his closest Target, he decides to call his mom. All he and Kaner know about babies are what Sharpy tells them about his own daughter and most of that is just horror stories about diaper changes.

"Hello?"

"Hey, mom," he says.

"Hey, sweetie. How are you?"

"I'm fine, good. Um," he actually has to take a deep breathe. The last time he was this nervous talking to his mom was when he decided to join juniors and leave home. "I needed to ask you a question.

"Alright."

He tries to craft out a non-descript, subtle question in his head, but instead he just blurts out, "What do you get for a baby?"

His mother remains quiet for a moment before he hears a soft, "Oh."

"It's - it's not what you think."

"Okay," she says and Tazer thinks it might be a little teary.

"Kaner just found out he has a kid, a son. And it's still really little and I'm kind of afraid that he might kill him if he's all by himself. He doesn't have the best track record keeping things alive." The beta fish, the millipede, his Tamagotchi pet.

"Oh, honey," she says and then lists off a bunch of things the baby will need and things not to get him, like a crib with drop-down sides or crib bumpers because apparently that might kill him. He learns about a lot of things that might kill Walter which freaks him out even more.

Finally she says, "You're such a good boy, Jon. Patrick is lucky to have you as a _friend_. You seem like a very good _friend_."

"I know. Thanks, mom. For your help."

His mom lets out a sigh for some reason and then says, "No problem. Keep me updated if you need anything else. Love you."

"You too."

 

[][][]

 

He returns with a car seat specifically designed for newborns and a stroller that cost him nearly eight hundred dollars but is guaranteed not to tip over and drop Walter, so that's good.

Kaner's already dressed when he gets there and so is Walter, who's being fed again. Walter has a blue onesie on that has a stain around the collar. "He woke up about half an hour ago."

They wait until Walter's done and Kaner tries to burp him but he doesn't do anything and Kaner hands him off to Tazer. "Here, you try."

"I don't, um," he puts the washcloth Kaner had on his shoulder on his own and pats Walter lightly on the back, trying to do it the way they do in movies. Finally, Walter let's out a burp.

Kaner laughs. "Good boy."

Kaner brings a backpack along with him that is packed full of diapers and a bottle full of formula. It takes a little while to get Walter properly strapped into the carseat and Kaner elects to stay in the back with him. Tazer drives to Target again but this time, he keeps glancing back at Kaner and Walter, just checking up on them. He tries to shake himself out of it because it feels so uncomfortably paternal.

"I should have made Walter wear a helmet," Kaner says.

"What? Why?"

"Hmm, just in case you decide to drive into a pole again."

Tazer scowls but then realizes Kaner can't see that so he gives him the finger instead.

They're both wearing Cubs cap so as not to be spotted and Kaner pushes Walter in his stroller and Tazer has the shopping cart. The baby aisle is jam-packed full of things but Tazer follows his mom's advice and get some toys, a safe crib that's not a deathtrap, formula, a tub they can bathe Walter in, clothes, bottles, and diapers. Walter's pretty much asleep the entire time and a lot of older women stop them to coo at Walter.

"He's so little," a woman says, wagging her finger at the sleeping baby. "You two must be so proud."

Tazer smiles politely but Kaner beams and says his thanks. He would be proud that his son is getting attention from women.

Later, when they're at the checkout line, Kaner says, "My kid's already got more skills at wooing the ladies than you."

Tazer snorts. "Shut up, Kaner."

 

[][][]

 

The crib takes forever to set up and then move it from the living room to the guest bedroom. Kaner insists on putting a couple bags of frozen peas in it before they let Walter sleep there. It doesn't completely collapse so they put Walter in. He seems to look around a little before going back to sleep. Kaner was right, he does sleep a lot.

Kaner lightly slaps Tazer on his back. "Thanks for all this, Johnny. Honest, I really appreciate it." Tazer nods and tries to smile but he can't help but think that this is Kaner's way of asking him to leave. And he should leave, he guesses. Kaner was right, this isn't his kid, this isn't his responsibility. He could go home, drink a beer and watch TSN and not worry about tomorrow. He should do that.

Instead he says, "Have you eaten?"

"No, not since yesterday, actually," Kaner says.

"Chinese?"

Kaner gets a weird expression on his face. "Sure, the number's on the fridge. I'll have the chicken fried rice, no green onions. Get them to deliver."

They sit together on the couch and eat, the sofa a whole lot more comfortable with the cushions on it. They're watching the Bruins beat the Oilers and they have to quietly yell at the TV so they don't wake up Walter.

During the break at the end of the second period, Kaner says, "So I guess I'm a father now."

"You're just figuring this out?"

"I can't be a father, Johnny. Have you seen him? He's so small, I didn't even know they came that small. I have to make sure he doesn't get mauled to death for the next eighteen years."

Tazer stays quiet. He's seen Kaner freak out about a handful of times before and he knows that it's sometimes best to let Kaner talk it out himself.

"But there's nothing really I can do. The poor kid's probably already got abandonment issues because of his mom. He just has me now and I can't, I can't put him up for adoption."

"He doesn't," Tazer interrupts.

Kaner looks at him sharply. "Doesn't what?"

Tazer uses the fork to move his fried rice, feeling uncomfortable all of a sudden. "Just," he pauses. "He doesn't just have you. I'm here right now, aren't I? I'll help you make sure he doesn't get mauled to death until he's eighteen. Once he's eighteen, he's fair game," he says, trying to add in an anemic joke for Kaner's benefit.

It must work because Kaner looks so relieved. "I, yeah. Thanks again, Johnny. Really."

"No problem," he says. They spend the next few minutes making fun of Pierre McGuire's face before Walter starts crying and Kaner leaves and then comes back a few minutes later with Walter in his new clothes.

"Had to change his diaper. So gross."

Tazer smirks. He gets up and puts their dishes on the kitchen counter for Kaner to wash later and then joins them on the sofa.

"Do you like the Bruins, Walter?" Kaner says. "That's Milan Lucic, he's built like a brick wall."

"And that's Taylor Hall. He looks like a horse."

Kaner lets out a laugh and that seems to startle Walter because he starts squirming but he settles down quickly. Kaner spends a few moments just looking at Walter and Tazer pulls out his phone and takes a picture, partly for blackmail and partly because it's pretty fucking cute.

"Have you told your mom yet?"

"Yeah, right after Nicole dropped him off. I was freaking out pretty bad. She offered to come down and help me out."

"You said no?"

Kaner shrugs. "It's my own fault. She and my dad are always giving me lectures about how I'm an adult now and to man up. So I'm manning up."

They watch the rest of the game and the Oilers actually win, 4-2. Kaner feeds Walter again and then Tazer and him have a bowl of cereal for dinner.

It's almost seven but Tazer's starting to drift off. "I'll crash here for the night."

"You don't have to."

"Eh, it's cool. I'm going to drop by my apartment to get some spare clothes but I'll be back in a little."

Kaner nods but he isn't looking at Tazer. Tazer furrows his eyebrows but doesn't say anything.

 

[][][]

 

Tazer returns with a duffel bag of clothes and a bag with his suit in it.

"What's with that?" Kaner asks, pointing to the bag.

"I'm going to wear it to practice tomorrow."

Kaner freezes and his eyes go wide. "Oh, fuck."

Tazer looks at Kaner incredulously. "Did you really forget that you're a hockey player?"

"Fuck you. No, I just forgot that we had practice tomorrow. What am I going to do with Walter?"

Tazer purses his lips. They can't leave him here, that's a stupid idea. Babysitter? He looks at Walter, who's in Kaner's arms. No, they can't leave him with a stranger. "We'll take him with us."

Kaner gives him a doubting look. "Really?"

"Yeah, uh. Call the front office. See if there's an intern or somewhere who can look after him while we're at the rink. Ask about," he tries to think of an intern he knows. "Becky. She said that she had, like, five younger siblings. She'll know what to do."

Kaner nods and hands Walter off to Tazer and goes to the other room with his cellphone. Kaner takes a while, probably because he has to explain why he has a baby in his possession, but Tazer's kind of content to just hang out with Walter. He's a pretty quiet baby and his eyes are still unfocused and he's happy to just look around.

"Hey, buddy," Tazer says quietly.

Walter opens his mouth and starts making a suckling movement. "Oh, you're hungry?"

He gets the half-empty bottle of formula off the coffee table and tries to gently put it in Walter's mouth. It takes a moment for him to understand what it's there for but then he starts drinking quickly and happily.

"You have Kaner's appetite," Tazer snorts.

Kaner comes in a couple minutes later and he looks a little oddly at Tazer feeding Walter. Tazer shifts uncomfortably. "What did they say?"

"Uh," Kaner rubs the back of his neck. "A lot of things. A lot of yelling. But Becky said it was no problem."

"Cool," he says. Once Walter finishes eating, Tazer burps him, and hands him off to Kaner for a diaper change. He has limits.

They get Walter down to sleep and Tazer gets blankets from Kaner's closet and tries to settle down on the couch. It still smells vaguely of spit-up but he doused the sofa with Lysol earlier the day, so it's not so bad.

He tries to get comfortable and runs through plays in his head to get to sleep. Nothing works and he groans. He needs to get some sleep.

His traitorous mind remembers Kaner's soft, warm, huge bed that he slept in last night. Finally, he lets out a soft groan and goes into Kaner's room. Kaner is in the middle of the bed, curled up in his comforter, and he looks a lot like Walter when he's sleeping.

"Kaner, wake up," he whispers.

"Hmm?" Kaner looks up blearily. "What, is Walter okay?"

"Yeah, I just," he pauses. "The sofa is really fucking uncomfortable."

"Go home then."

"Kaner."

Kaner rolls his eyes and moves over to the left side. "Hop in, you little circus freak."

"Fuck off," he says but gets in the right side. It's still warm from Kaner.

"There better not be any funny business. The only erection that belongs in this bed is mine and mine alone."

Tazer elbows him in the side. "Shut up. Fucker."

Tazer closes his eyes and is about to drift off when he hears Kaner say, "Night, Johnny."

"Night, Kaner."

 

[][][]

 

The ride to practice is unusually quiet. Normally when they carpool, Kaner and him duke it out for what radio station to put on and mess with each others seats. This time the only sound is Walter’s quiet babblings. They pull up to the rink’s garage and Tazer grabs the bag full of Walter stuff and Kaner gets Walter out of his car seat. Kaner actually looks nervous, Tazer realizes.

Tazer bumps into him lightly and tries to give an encouraging smile. Kaner grimaces. As they walk into the building, Tazer starts to understand Kaner’s nervousness. His heart pounds and his mind races; what will the guys say when they show up with a baby? Will coach be cool with it? Can they kick Patrick off the team for it? He’s probably already embarrassed the organization enough with all his drunken antics, a bastard child probably won’t do anything to better his standings.

They get to the front office, Walter in a carrier, and get to the front office with just a raised eyebrow from the security guard. So far, so good.

Marie, one of their PR representatives, looks unsurprised by them with a baby so Tazer assumes that she was probably the one who Kaner talked to the night before.

“So that’s him?” She says, and looks into the carrier and her expression softens slightly.

“Yep,” Kaner says. “Where’s Becky?”

“She’s running late, accident on the highway.”

“Oh,” Kaner says and then pauses before asking, with a charming smile, “Any chance we can leave him here with you?”

Marie shakes her head. “Nope, too much work to do. Plus, I’m awful with kids, I’d probably drop him on the head or something.”

“That’s okay, he’s probably not going to be that smart anyways,” Patrick says and tries to hand him off to her.

“Should you really be talking about your son like that?”

“It’s okay, I don’t expect him to know a lot as long as he’s amazing at hockey. Speaking of hockey, I’ve got practice, so maybe you should take this little future hockey god off of my hands so that I can go practice, how about it, Marie?” Patrick asks, putting on a cheesy smile

“Goodbye, Patrick.”

With that, she gently pushes them out the door. Patrick sighs, and his face regains the worried expression it once held.

“Come on, Kaner,” Tazer says, putting a hand on his shoulder. “Walter’s going to have to meet the team sometime.”

“I guess so,” Kaner says giving him a weak smile in return.

They make their to the locker room slow, Kaner taking his time and Tazer not wanting to rush him and make the situation any worse.

Kaner takes a deep breath before throwing the doors open. The majority of the guys are already getting dressed when they enter the locker room.

“You’re late!” Seabs yells, and then, “Oh my god, I’m indecent!” when he notices the baby.

Tazer rolls his eyes and the room’s silent for a moment before Keith says, “Where’d you guys get the baby?”

Kaner sighs and then places the carrier on the bench. “He’s mine.”

There’s a sharp intake of breath from the entire room and all their eyes fall on Tazer for confirmation. He just nods.

“Does that mean you’re not going to party with us anymore?” Shaw asks.

Hayes slaps Shaw on the back of the head. “Priorities, dude.”

Most of the guys are looking at Walter wearily but then Sharpy approaches the carrier.

“Oh, wow,” Sharpy says softly, and kneels down so he’s face-to-face with Walter. “He looks just like you, Kaner, he’s balding already also,” he says, sounding almost hurt, but his pensive expression quickly changes and he grins at his own joke.

“Kaner can’t handle a kid,” Tazer can hear Shaw mutter.

“Aw, it’s okay, Shawzy,” Sharpy says, smiling. “Baby’s got two daddies.” He looks meaningfully at Tazer.

“What’s his name?” Sharpy continues after grinning at Tazer long enough to make sure he’s completely flushed.

“Walter,” Kaner mumbles to himself.

Seabs obviously heard because he looks like he just won the lottery. “What was that, Pat?”

“Walter,” Kaner begrudgingly repeats.

This time, the entire locker room bursts into laughter, even Hossa.

“At least he doesn’t have a girl’s name,” Kaner says, pointing to Hossa. “Marian.”

Hossa raises an eyebrow. “Watch it, Kaner,” he says but then goes to see Walter, too. Soon enough, the entire team is crowding around Walter. It must spook him because his face starts to crumble and he starts to cry.

“Nice, guys,” Tazer says and then picks up Walter and tries to bounce up and down without looking too ridiculous.

Sharpy’s expression goes all weird with that but he doesn’t say anything.

“Where’s his mom?” Keith asks.

“She didn’t want him anymore,” Kaner says.

The other guys look kind of pitying at him now and Seabs pats Kaner on the shoulder. “If you need a babysitter,” he pauses. “Well, you could call me. But my experiences are kind of limited to my little brother and he nearly choked on a battery under my watch. Still, though.”

Walter settles down after a minute and Tazer’s about to put him back in the carrier when Sharpy gestures for Tazer to give Walter to him.

Sharpy’s a natural at it, probably thanks to his own daughter, and wags his finger at Walter’s face. Tazer can see that Walter’s eyes are transfixed on Sharpy’s face. “How old is he?”

“Three months,” Tazer answers.

“Yeah, he’s still a little guy, aren’t you buddy? Pretty big for your age, though,” he says and then his face lights up. “Kaner, dude, we should totally get Maddie and Walter to wrestle each other! Baby fights!”

Kaner, the idiot, actually looks excited about this, but Tazer rolls his eyes and gets Walter back from Sharpy. Walter whimpers a little about leaving Sharpy and Sharpy grins. “Already has his favorite uncle. Good choice, kid.”

Tazer looks at the clock on the wall. “Should probably go see if Becky’s here yet,” he says to Kaner.

Kaner nods. “Yeah, okay.”

“Coach know about this?” Keith asks.

“Yeah, PR told management yesterday. I’m expecting some stern words but nothing too bad. Hopefully.”

Kaner moves to leave, Walter in the carrier and bag strapped to his back, when Sharpy says, “Kaner?”

“Yeah?”

“Congratulations, man,” he says and the rest of the guys say the same thing.

Kaner looks like a weight’s been lifted off his chest. “Thanks.”

 

Practice goes well for Tazer but everyone notices that Kaner’s distracted and he gets eaten out by Coach Q. He doesn’t say anything about Walter specifically but they all know that no one can afford to be unfocused this close to qualifying for playoffs.

Coach Q makes them run suicides and by the time they reach the locker room, they’re exhausted and sweaty. Tazer showers quicker than Kaner, mostly because Kaner is a freak about properly showering and conditioning his hair, and he gets dressed and goes to pick up Walter.

Becky’s on the computer and Walter is in his carrier next to her.

“How was he?” Tazer asks, nodding to Walter.

Becky beams at him. “Fine. He’s so cute, I just want to eat him up, don’t I, little bitsy one.”

Tazer smiles warily because baby talk has always kind of freaked him out. He picks up Walter and he doesn’t look any worse for the wear and he’s cooing and smiling at him. He’s opening his fists and grabs the collar of Tazer’s shirt.

“He’s getting very attached to you,” Becky says, eyes soft.

Tazer gives a small smile but tries not to think about it. Walter is Kaner’s kid, not his. He’s just being a good captain, a good friend.

“Thanks, Becky,” he says and takes Walter and all his things back to the locker room. Kaner only has his pants on when he gets down there but he still reaches for Walter. Walter fusses a little and Tazer’s afraid he might start crying but he settles down pretty quickly.

“Hey, buddy,” Kaner says.

“You got a pretty good-looking kid, Kaner,” Seabs says. “Don’t know how that managed to happen.”

“Screw you, my genetics are amazing. Don’t doubt that.”

Tazer sees Sharpy talk to Kaner but it’s too quiet to make it out. He can see Kaner’s shoulders relax a little and he’s smiling and nodding, so it can’t all be too bad.

On the ride back to Kaner’s apartment, Tazer asks what they were talking about.

“Abby wants Walter to visit. He called her and said that she offered to look after him during the roadtrip next week.”

“Oh wow,” Tazer says, kicking himself because he hadn’t thought about what they were going to do with Walter when they were out of town. “That’s really nice of her.”

“Yeah, at least until I find a good babysitter,” he says and Tazer looks at the mirror and sees that Kaner is playing with Walter’s clothed feet. “So, I told Sharpy tonight. Um,” he pauses. “You don’t have to come.”

“Oh, right.”

“I just, you haven’t been to your apartment since all this except to get clothes. And I appreciate you being here, you know. But.”

Tazer’s grip on the steering wheel tightens. “Yeah, of course.”

The rest of the ride is silent and Tazer helps him get Walter settled back into the apartment. He hovers by the entrance.

“If you need anything at all, just call,” Tazer says. He doesn’t want to leave but he needs to stop thinking that Walter is his son. It’s Kaner’s responsibility. Walter will be fine without him. Kaner nods and smiles but it doesn’t meet his eyes.

Tazer’s apartment is too quiet. There’s no baby gurgling, no TV that’s a little too loud because Kaner’s slowly going deaf. The place is too clean, the maid was there yesterday, and it doesn’t smell like a combination of Lysol, baby powder, and spit-up like Kaner’s does. He does what he normally does when he’s trying to clear his mind - exercise. He goes into the spare room that he converted into a home gym.

He lifts weights, does crunches, push-ups, sit-ups until he can barely move. He lies down on the floor and groans. His mind is still racing, concern about Kaner and Walter and did he tell Kaner that Walter’s favorite blanket is in the washing machine? That he has a hard time taking a nap without it? Should he call Kaner and tell him that?

No, he decides. Kaner obviously wanted to distance himself from Tazer; he’s got this under control.

Tazer eats dinner with the NHL Network on in the background. He settles himself down to sleep but he’s nervous for some reason and he falls into fitful sleep.

The practice is early the next morning and Kaner’s already there when he comes. He looks about as awful as Tazer. They both have bags under their eyes and Kaner’s mouth is downturned.

“Long night?” Sharpy asks, loud enough that Tazer can hear it.

Kaner nods. “Walter wouldn’t stop crying. I’ve never seen him like that.”

“Babies are tough,” Hossa says. “It gets easier.”

This practice is even worse than the last one because both he and Kaner are dead on their feet and none of their passes connect. Coach Q rips them both a new one and Tazer makes a decision and corners Kaner in the locker room after all the other guys have gone.

“I’m coming back,” Tazer says, trying to make his voice as determined as he can.

“What?” Kaner asks, rubbing his eyes.

“You’re useless without me there with you,” Kaner opens his mouth to protect but Tazer shuts him up. “Stop, you know you are. That’s okay, it’s difficult to take care of a baby. I can help you, I want to help you. Let me.”

There’s a pause and Tazer can hear his heartbeat in his ears before Kaner says, “Okay. I, yeah. Okay.”

Tazer smiles. “Okay, good.”

Kaner clears a drawer for him. Well, he assumes it’s for him because Kaner doesn’t say anything, just moves his plaid shirts to his closet instead. Most of Tazer’s stuff is still at his apartment and he commutes back and forth every couple of days to get new clothes that he needs and soon enough more of his stuff is at Kaner’s than his own place.

“You ready?” Kaner asks Tazer as they are packing up Walter’s things in a backpack. They have a game tonight against the Canucks and Abby agreed to watch over him while they’re playing.

“Yeah, just need to get his formula,” he says and moves to the kitchen cabinet that houses all of Walter’s bottles and formula. “Got it.”

“Let’s go.”

The game, like most of their games against the Canucks, is chippy and the penalty box is nearly full on both sides. He’s moving quickly so Kaner can shoot him the puck, when from the corner of his eye he can see Kesler racing towards him and that’s the only warning he gets until he feels Kesler check him hard and he crumbles to the ground. He must be there a little longer than normal because a ref comes along and asks if he’s okay.

“Yeah,” Tazer says shakily and he slowly moves to the bench.

A trainer, Ben, puts his hand on Tazer’s shoulder and says, “Coach wants you to get checked out. Come on.”

Tazer wants to groan but he’s dizzy as hell and he feels like he’s going to be sick and he follows Ben to the locker room.

 

[][][]

 

Kaner gingerly helps Tazer into bed. “You going to fluff my pillows for me, too?”

“Shut up, Johnny, you’re concussed,” he says quietly and without any heat. “I’m going to leave you here while I pick Walter up from Sharpy and Abby’s. You’ll be okay?”

Tazer makes a waving motion and closes his eyes. “Fine. Go away.”

“So rude,” he says but closes the door as quietly as he can.

He drifts off to sleep when he feels the other side of the bed dip down. “Kaner?”

“Yeah. Go back to sleep. Everything’s fine.”

Tazer grunts an affirmative and does so.

 

[][][]

 

Kaner is actually pretty good at taking care of him. He feeds Tazer food that’s easy on his stomach and keeps the shades and windows closed and takes care of Walter when he starts whimpering before it turns into full blown cries. Tazer goes to the UC a few days later but they still say the concussion looks about the same and that the only thing that’ll help is time. He feels frustration each time and nearly screams when he’s not cleared to fly with the team on their roadtrip.

He’s fuming the entire time Kaner drives him and Walter back to their apartment and goes directly into the bedroom when he gets there. He can hear Walter’s gurglings and the low hum of the television. After an hour, Kaner comes in with a bowl of soup and a glass of water and a napkin with two advils wrapped in it.

Tazer sits up, impressed. “Kaner...”

“Eat it, it’ll make you feel better.”

Tazer nods and has some of the soup - tomato, his favorite. It’s actually pretty good and he tells Kaner so.

Kaner shrugs and says, “I just heated it up in the microwave, not a big deal,” he moves to leave but then comes back and sits on the bed next to Tazer. “You’ll be okay, Johnny. Give it time, everyone gets concussions once in awhile.”

Tazer can’t stop staring at Kaner’s mouth and he feels an impulse to kiss him but then shakes it off. What the hell is wrong with him? He blames the concussion.

“Yeah, thanks.”

 

[][][]

 

“You have Abby’s number, right? She said that you can call her in case of everything. She knows way more about kids than either of us do.”

“Kaner, it’ll be fine. Go.”

Kaner hesitates and picks up Walter, who’s looking at them curiously in his crib. He kisses Walter on the forehead and smooths over his hair. “Be good, buddy.”

Tazer’s heart pulls at him when he sees it because Kaner is pretty cute with Walter.

Tazer pats Kaner on the shoulder when he’s got all of his luggage and is waiting by the door. “Play well.”

Kaner flashes him a showy smile. “‘Course. Don’t need to worry about that, Cap. Might even play better when you’re not there.”

“Fuck off and get out.”

“Hey, this is my apartment. You’re here as a guest,” Kaner says, still smiling and his tone is almost, Tazer hesitates to think, flirty? What’s happening here?

Kaner seems to think that’s something strange is happening too because he hastily leaves with just a quick goodbye.

Tazer goes to Walter’s room and says, “It’s just you and me now, kid.”

Walter’s definitely an easy baby and he only cries when he’s hungry or wet or wants to be picked up. The sun still gives Tazer a headache so he Netflixs all of Arrested Development and watches the games he’s missing when he has Walter and works out the best he can without jostling his head too much. Kaner texts him a couple times a day asking about Walter and Tazer replies with strategies and ways Kaner can play better.

He’s with Walter, watching George Michael try to seduce Maeby, when he needs to use the bathroom. He puts Walter back in his crib but Walter starts wailing and it makes his headache worse and so he carries him back to the living room and places him in the carrier and that stops the crying.

“I’ll be right back,” Tazer tells Walter and Walter blinks at him.

He washes his hands when he hears a loud, sharp cry. He jumps and runs back to the living room. Walter’s carrier’s fallen to the side and Walter’s on the ground, sobbing.

“Fuck, fuck,” he mutters and picks up Walter. On the side of his head is a big bruise and Walter’s looking at him with big, teary, betrayed eyes. “I’m so sorry, Walter. Fuck, fuck.”

Should he go to the ER? He keeps Walter in his arms when he gets his cell phone and calls Abby’s number.

“Hello?”

“Abby, this is Johnny.”

She must hear how freaked out he is and Walter’s cries because she says, “What’s wrong?”

“Walter, he fell out of his carrier and he landed on the floor and he has a bruise and what if he has brain damage?”

Abby’s voice is calm when she says, “Do you guys have a regular pediatrician?”

“Yeah, but we haven’t seen him since we first got Walter.”

“Okay, I would go to the ER just in case.”

Tazer nods. “Yeah.”

“Do you want me to stay on the line with you? Or go with you?”

“No, it’s fine.”

“Keep me updated, let me know if you need me to be there.”

“Thanks, Abby.”

He puts Walter back in the same carrier that dropped him, stupid fucking thing, and goes out to hail a cab.

The nurse on duty takes a look at Walter’s bump and moves them to the pediatric ward. The walls are painted a soft yellow and there are cartoon characters on the wall.

They put Tazer in the waiting room and he’s shaking. He’s failed. Kaner gave him his son to look after and Tazer landed him in a hospital. Kaner, fuck. He needs to call Kaner.

The waiting room is empty besides him so he pulls out his phone and looks at the time. He should be finished with the Red Wings game, the last one he has for this trip.

“I know we played fucking awfully,” is the first thing Kaner says. “You don’t need to lecture me about it.”

“It’s, it’s not that.”

Kaner must hear something in his tone because he says urgently, “What happened? Is Walter okay?”

Tazer rubs his eyes. “He was on the ground and I think he might have leaned too much one way when he was on the carrier because it tipped over and he hit his head. He’s got a bruise and Abby said I should take him to the hospital to check him out.”

Kaner lets out a tortured, gasping noise. “Is he okay?”

“He seemed okay on the way here but he was crying a lot and they aren’t letting me back there and I’m so, so sorry Kaner.”

“What hospital are you in? I’ll get a flight now.”

“Shriner’s.”

“I’ll be there soon. Email me if anything happens, I’ll get wifi on the plane.” And with that, he hangs up.

Half an hour later, the doctor brings him in and Walter’s there in a crib sucking on a pacifier.

“He should be fine,” the doctor says, smiling. “You’re the father?”

Tazer’s seen enough medical dramas to know that only family members can see patients. “Yeah,” he lies.

“You know, babies are a lot more resilient than we give them credit for. We tested his reflexes and his reactions to light and they’re both normal. The only thing that’s going to be a little sensitive for a while is the bruise but babies heal quickly. We just need you to sign some discharge papers and then you’ll be good to go.”

“Thank you,” Tazer says. “Can I pick him up?”

The doctor smiles kindly. “Of course.”

She leaves him and Tazer cradles Walter to his chest and gives him a kiss on the forehead. “I’m so sorry, buddy.”

Walter still has some tear tracks on his cheeks but that’s it. He tries to grab a piece of Tazer’s overgrown hair, he really needs to get a haircut, and gives him a gummy smile. Tazer’s heart calms down a little. Walter’s going to be okay.

He gently settles Walter down in the crib and tells a nurse that he has to make a phone call and steps out, even though it kind of kills him to have Walter out of his sight now. He calls Kaner but he must be on the plane because it goes directly to voicemail.

He emails, ‘The doctor checked out Walter and says that he’s ok. need to sign some discharge papers and then we can go to the apartment. will let you know if we leave hospital before you come. again, so sorry, kaner.’

He gets an email within minutes. ‘okay. will be there in about 20.’

True to his word, in twenty minutes, while Tazer is signing the papers, he hears Kaner talking to the nurse at the reception desk, asking for Walter Kane.

He hurries over. “Kaner!”

Kaner looks over and rushes to him. He’s never seen Kaner look so distressed, not even when they got knocked out of the playoffs last year. “Where is he?”

Tazer points to a door and Kaner runs and sees Walter in his crib, staring back at him.

“He’ll be fine. You,” he pauses and his throat is choked up a little. “You can pick him up if you want.”

Kaner does carefully, like he’s made out of glass. He rocks him back and forth and tenderly touches the mottled bruise on his son’s face. Tazer’s never felt so guilty.

“We can go now,” Tazer says. “The doctor says everything’s good.”

Kaner nods but doesn’t say anything and remains silent all throughout the taxi drive.

Kaner takes off the hospital wristband from Walter’s wrist and kisses him on the forehead before setting him down in the crib, hand rested on the baby’s stomach.

“I’ve never been so scared when you called me,” Kaner says and his eyes are still on the crib but they’re watering and Tazer’s caused all of this.

“You have no idea how bad I feel right now. Please forgive me,” he pleads.

Kaner turns to him now and steps closer and Tazer braces himself because he thinks Kaner might just hit him and he should, it’s justified. He closes his eyes but instead of the sharp sting of a punch, he feels lips press against him and his eyes fly wide open. Kaner is kissing him.

Instead of pulling away like he should, he furthers the kiss and his hand, like it’s on his own violation, moves to cup the back of Kaner’s neck.

They break after a few moments and Kaner breathes out, “We probably shouldn’t make out in front of the kid.”

Tazer lets out a startled laugh. “Yeah, probably.”

Kaner looks down at his feet. “Was that, um, was that okay?”

Tazer should lie. He should stop this. This is a recipe for disaster. Instead, he tells the truth and says, “Yeah, that was really good.”

Kaner smiles at him genuinely before he gives a fake, charming smile, “Really good?”

Tazer rolls his eyes. “Let’s just go to bed, Kaner.”

Kaner winks. “I’d be delighted, Johnny.”

Tazer groans but Kaner silences him with another kiss.

After, when they’re lying in bed, Kaner says, “This isn’t just the concussion, right?”

Tazer raises an eyebrow. Fuck Kaner for ruining his post-coital bliss with his confusing questions. “What?”

“Like, the hit from Kesler didn’t rattle your brain and that’s why you, you know,” he gestures to their naked bodies.

“No, Kaner.”

“Are you sure? Because I wouldn’t want to be taking advantage if you were.”

Tazer gives him a long kiss and smiles widely when he says, “Shut the fuck up, Kaner.”


End file.
